Dang!

If you follow this blog you know that I hurt my knee in October, had surgery on  it in January. I went through 5 months of physical therapy but had no progress. So now I'm paying (no insurance) for MAT, Muscle Activation Therapy. It is working; slowly, I notice the difference, and my husband has noticed that I walk better. This is to postpone (forever?) knee replacement therapy - for there is never a good time to shut down for 2-3 months. My doctor has told me that total knee replacement is my only option...I'll continue with my MAT and let you know. But I sure hope I can get more "active" before it's too late, because I've gained another 10 pounds. DANG!

I don't know what I expected; I'm not as active and I'm drinking more and I'm not as stringent in my eating as I was. OH HELL! If I don't change this I'll go right back to where I was and I REFUSE to do that.

This should be my declaration that I've seen the error of  my ways and I'm back on track...but I'm not sure I'm there quite yet. I KNOW the errors of my ways, but back on track...not tonight. I need less stress in my life to get back to "there".

Life in general is good; but since my husband is working in southern Oregon most of the time and only home some weekends, it gets lonely (even with my cute, adorable dog) and therefore I'm cooking for one (NOT). I'm eating differently and not as healthy. It is easier to stop at the store and pick up a frozen something for dinner and since I'm at the store pick up a bottle of wine {sigh}. Time to grow up!

If you have any suggestions I'm open to them. Please comment!

Sugar Is Addictive

I'm still blaming everything on the December holidays. I can't seem to get back on track and now on top of the 8 pounds I gained in December I've gained 2 more. More accurately I gained 8 in Dec., lost 7 and gained 3 in Jan./Feb., then slowly gained 6 more in Mar.

It's the sugar. I'm having trouble not wanting it. Wine is my biggest downfall (stress from work isn't helping) and then there is the desire for cookies and all things sweet. I can curb some of it with fresh fruit — actually a lot of it with fresh fruit, but then I smell or see something sweet and my cravings go wacko. I didn't have any yesterday, that is a big help. I'm heading to a birthday party this afternoon...that will be tough.

It is my current goal to lose 20 pounds by the end of May, but I'm not putting any huge time table on this I just want to continue to be healthy. I certainly don't want to continue to gain so I have to keep telling myself...It's the sugar.

Musings

"Scientists cannot formulate into pills nutrients that have not yet been discovered."

That little gem is from Dr. Joel Fuhrman's book Eat To Live. It is amazing what isn't yet known on how our bodies work in breaking down the food we eat (and when I speak of food, I'm speaking of REAL food not that processed stuff that comes in a box or at the drive-thru). I am living proof that if you eat the food your body needs the body will stop storing all that fat you don't need and you will live a better life. I also plan on living a longer life.

As much as we "hate to exercise" it is so necessary. One of the problems with my knee is that when I hurt it I stopped using my leg correctly and my hamstring muscle stopped being stretched long so now it wants to stay short. My quad muscle stopped being used much so it is weak and doesn't force the hamstring to stretch long. So because of those two small things I can't straighten my knee and I get to do all these really painful exercises to get the hamstring to stretch and the quad to strenghten. Oh joy! On top of this I stopped doing my yoga so my arms are getting "whimpy" and weak. Supporting my body weight in downward dog and plank were helping me maintain my arm strength. This downward spiral is really making me feel old and making my body become old. When I talked to my physical therapist about this (the one that makes me do all those painful, necessary exercises for my leg and knee) she has given me permission to do yoga again as long as I modify it where I won't hurt myself. Now I just have to get myself back into the gym...that's a mental exercise that I've been neglecting too.

I will continue re-reading Eat To Live by Joel Fuhrman, M.D. and as I stumble across other helpful tidbits I may post them; but I think the best thing for everyone to do is go out and purchase the book and read it yourself and underline all the "good parts".

It's Almost Like Starting Over

I'm going to blame December. I believed that I could have some cookies, wine and other sugar laden foods and go right back to the way I was eating before. WRONG! I know sugar stimulates the same area of the brain as cocaine and it is addictive; and I thought I could handle it. Typical addict logic.

I gained 8 pounds in December, and I signed up for the 90 day weight loss challenge in January with the intention of losing those final pounds and once again taking home all the money. I started out okay, losing slowly but at least losing. Then after the surgery I had the frustration of my knee not healing and my own inablility to cope. SO...wine crept back into the diet; sometimes there would be a few cookies as well; and of course coming up on Easter there is chocolate every where. I am eating out of control. I had lost 7 additional pounds since January, but have gained 4 of those back. Out of control, giving into temptations. Dr. Fuhrman refers to it as toxic hunger — as opposed to true hunger.

This evening my husband made a wonderful pot of vegetarian chili. I wanted wine to go with it; I was craving wine; I was going to go to the store to get a bottle of wine but my husband asked me not to...if I did he would want to drink some too and he didn't want the empty calories. I think I'm a bit surprised by how much of a struggle this is.

I started rereading Dr. Fuhrman's book Eat To Live and retraining my brain to get the nutrition I need and cut the toxic crap out of my diet. I WILL lose those final pounds. My current goal is to lose 20 pounds by the end of May. Good thing I love vegetables and I live in an area that has so many good grocery stores nearby.

Too Much Of A Bad Thing

I made the classic mistake of shopping while hungry. I was at the business center Costco so there wasn't a food court to grab a bite and since it was a Costco any little snacks came in a million pack...or something like that. I decided that I had enough cash to grab a salad at the Wendy's on the way home so off I went. The line was long, but I figured it would move. Boy was I wrong; after waiting FOREVER, I decided to leave and head home. I forgot I was in Lynnwood, WA, the place of the worse traffic and the stupidest drivers in America (my opinion). By the time I was half-way home I had decided that I would stop at the DQ on the way and pick up lunch. My order was not even close to being healthy, but my level of frustration had pushed all of that out of my head. But then again I didn't order too much.

Here comes the Too Much Bad stuff... the driver in front of me ordered her food and then without seeing that the car in front hadn't moved, hit the gas, crunched the car in front and pushed it into the car in front of that car. CRUNCH! SMASH!. The three drivers all got out and looked at the cars, took pictures, agreed to go over to the parking lot to the right of the drive-thru. Unfortunately to get to that parking lot they had to wait through the line at the drive-thru and none of them wanted their food. I got to the window and the girl asks..."do you want some free stuff?" My reply was "what kind of free stuff?" As it turns out since they didn't want their food she had all their ice cream goodies already made and would have to throw it all away...unless I wanted to take it. SURE! FREE STUFF! So my little Blizzard (I told you I was out of control) is now a big Blizzard, there is also a chocolate dipped ice cream cone (one of my favorite things), another ice cream treat plus my sandwhich. THAT'S A LOT OF FOOD!

I ate the cone first, then the dog and I shared the sandwich (but I ate most of it). I was feeling a bit full, but that Blizzard looked so good so I ate that next. And because I was feeding my sugar addition I ATE IT ALL! By this time I was feeling sick. I got home, walked the dog, put the other ice ream treat in the freezer and suffered through a horrible over-eating, over-sugared evening. I had no room for a decent dinner; my husband ate most of the other ice cream treat (I had to have at least a bite!) and I suffered through a horrible over-eating, over-sugared night of not being able to fall asleep.

You would think that I've learned a lesson here, but it seems I've "learned" this lesson before. (think a hangover). We'll have to see how long this "need" to have sugar stays with me. It is always to break an addiction, but I've done it before. So I know I can do it again.

Above Average & Horizontal Stripes

At the Hudson Bay Company store in Vancouver BC, Canada the area for larger women is called "Above Average Woman". I like that. I'm above average in height, intelligence, bust size, swimming skill, and at one time weight. It made me feel better than going to the Plus Size shop or Misses area. Just saying.

I remember going into a local department store and seeing these really nice zipper, wool vests with vertical stripes. The designer also designed for larger women so I was excited to look for them in the Misses area of the store. I found them...BUT the stripes were horizontal. Nothing like making a heavy woman look heavier than a wool, zipper vest with horizontal stripes. I was shocked and disappointed.

Today, I brought out some of my spring and summer tops that have been too small; a lot of them have horizontal stripes...BUT as I tried them all on they looked really nice on me. I'm still busty, but the cut of the top really made me look curvy and I will wear them! I will not have shop for spring and summer clothes this year. A couple of them were too big and I'll donate them to the thrift shop. I didn't try on the shorts, I'm waiting for a warmer day for that thrill. I'm so glad I now look good in horizontal stripes because I have a feeling that horizontal stripes will be around for awhile.

Not Overweight Any More

I've hit a "normal" weight for my height. It's still rather heavy, but it will help me get a better rate on my life insurance and that's a good start.

We went to visit our daughter this last weekend, she is not happy in her job and she just completed her MBA, it was very stressful for her going to school and working full time. She has gained weight since I've last seen her; not as heavy as I was at my heaviest, but I can tell that for her health she really needs to change the way she eats.

The following is an open letter to my daughter about my journey.

My Dear Darling Daughter,

It breaks my heart that you are struggling with your weight the way I did. Please, I beg you make some changes sooner rather than later.

Before I changed the way I eat I was almost 300 pounds. I don't know exactly how heavy I became because I refused to get on a scale, but I do know that the last time I did weigh I was 280; and I also know that I wasn't doing anything that would have helped me lose weight. I was a stroke or heart attack ready to happen.

My cancer can be "blamed" on being overweight; I also was told I was diabetic. My knees and feet were always in pain. I would get cortizone shots in both knees as often as I was allowed; painful shots and the pain they were relieving would go away for awhile and then come back sooner and sooner. It was hard to walk, I was getting winded just going up and down the stairs. I had no energy.

To deal with the stress of my business I would drink a bottle of wine each night. When I was going through the chemo. and I couldn't drink any alcohol, I was eating a lot of chocolate (hits the same pleasure spot). I ate pre-packaged food because it was easy, didn't take long and didn't require me to actually think when I got home from work. Vegetables were flavored with butter. I was counting calories, and eating within the "limits" that I should have been losing, but I wasn't and it wasn't until I read Dr. Fuhrman's Eat to Live book did I understand why. For more information on Dr. Fuhrman go to www.drfuhrman.com.

I have finally weighed-in this last week just under the "Overweight" mark for my height. My knees (except for the one I injured) are 1000% better, so are my feet. I have so much more energy. I am not diabedic; I will not get cancer again. I love doing exercise (especially yoga when I can). My blood levels are back to normal, my chances of stroke, heart attack, etc. are diminished to almost nothing.

I still have weight to lose; who wants to be at the high end of "normal". My goal is to be in the middle of "normal". It is my goal to be there by the end of this year. I love my new energy, outlook, health. Please join your dad and me in being a healthier,  person.

Love, Mom