Dang!

If you follow this blog you know that I hurt my knee in October, had surgery on  it in January. I went through 5 months of physical therapy but had no progress. So now I'm paying (no insurance) for MAT, Muscle Activation Therapy. It is working; slowly, I notice the difference, and my husband has noticed that I walk better. This is to postpone (forever?) knee replacement therapy - for there is never a good time to shut down for 2-3 months. My doctor has told me that total knee replacement is my only option...I'll continue with my MAT and let you know. But I sure hope I can get more "active" before it's too late, because I've gained another 10 pounds. DANG!

I don't know what I expected; I'm not as active and I'm drinking more and I'm not as stringent in my eating as I was. OH HELL! If I don't change this I'll go right back to where I was and I REFUSE to do that.

This should be my declaration that I've seen the error of  my ways and I'm back on track...but I'm not sure I'm there quite yet. I KNOW the errors of my ways, but back on track...not tonight. I need less stress in my life to get back to "there".

Life in general is good; but since my husband is working in southern Oregon most of the time and only home some weekends, it gets lonely (even with my cute, adorable dog) and therefore I'm cooking for one (NOT). I'm eating differently and not as healthy. It is easier to stop at the store and pick up a frozen something for dinner and since I'm at the store pick up a bottle of wine {sigh}. Time to grow up!

If you have any suggestions I'm open to them. Please comment!

Sugar Is Addictive

I'm still blaming everything on the December holidays. I can't seem to get back on track and now on top of the 8 pounds I gained in December I've gained 2 more. More accurately I gained 8 in Dec., lost 7 and gained 3 in Jan./Feb., then slowly gained 6 more in Mar.

It's the sugar. I'm having trouble not wanting it. Wine is my biggest downfall (stress from work isn't helping) and then there is the desire for cookies and all things sweet. I can curb some of it with fresh fruit — actually a lot of it with fresh fruit, but then I smell or see something sweet and my cravings go wacko. I didn't have any yesterday, that is a big help. I'm heading to a birthday party this afternoon...that will be tough.

It is my current goal to lose 20 pounds by the end of May, but I'm not putting any huge time table on this I just want to continue to be healthy. I certainly don't want to continue to gain so I have to keep telling myself...It's the sugar.

Musings

"Scientists cannot formulate into pills nutrients that have not yet been discovered."

That little gem is from Dr. Joel Fuhrman's book Eat To Live. It is amazing what isn't yet known on how our bodies work in breaking down the food we eat (and when I speak of food, I'm speaking of REAL food not that processed stuff that comes in a box or at the drive-thru). I am living proof that if you eat the food your body needs the body will stop storing all that fat you don't need and you will live a better life. I also plan on living a longer life.

As much as we "hate to exercise" it is so necessary. One of the problems with my knee is that when I hurt it I stopped using my leg correctly and my hamstring muscle stopped being stretched long so now it wants to stay short. My quad muscle stopped being used much so it is weak and doesn't force the hamstring to stretch long. So because of those two small things I can't straighten my knee and I get to do all these really painful exercises to get the hamstring to stretch and the quad to strenghten. Oh joy! On top of this I stopped doing my yoga so my arms are getting "whimpy" and weak. Supporting my body weight in downward dog and plank were helping me maintain my arm strength. This downward spiral is really making me feel old and making my body become old. When I talked to my physical therapist about this (the one that makes me do all those painful, necessary exercises for my leg and knee) she has given me permission to do yoga again as long as I modify it where I won't hurt myself. Now I just have to get myself back into the gym...that's a mental exercise that I've been neglecting too.

I will continue re-reading Eat To Live by Joel Fuhrman, M.D. and as I stumble across other helpful tidbits I may post them; but I think the best thing for everyone to do is go out and purchase the book and read it yourself and underline all the "good parts".

It's Almost Like Starting Over

I'm going to blame December. I believed that I could have some cookies, wine and other sugar laden foods and go right back to the way I was eating before. WRONG! I know sugar stimulates the same area of the brain as cocaine and it is addictive; and I thought I could handle it. Typical addict logic.

I gained 8 pounds in December, and I signed up for the 90 day weight loss challenge in January with the intention of losing those final pounds and once again taking home all the money. I started out okay, losing slowly but at least losing. Then after the surgery I had the frustration of my knee not healing and my own inablility to cope. SO...wine crept back into the diet; sometimes there would be a few cookies as well; and of course coming up on Easter there is chocolate every where. I am eating out of control. I had lost 7 additional pounds since January, but have gained 4 of those back. Out of control, giving into temptations. Dr. Fuhrman refers to it as toxic hunger — as opposed to true hunger.

This evening my husband made a wonderful pot of vegetarian chili. I wanted wine to go with it; I was craving wine; I was going to go to the store to get a bottle of wine but my husband asked me not to...if I did he would want to drink some too and he didn't want the empty calories. I think I'm a bit surprised by how much of a struggle this is.

I started rereading Dr. Fuhrman's book Eat To Live and retraining my brain to get the nutrition I need and cut the toxic crap out of my diet. I WILL lose those final pounds. My current goal is to lose 20 pounds by the end of May. Good thing I love vegetables and I live in an area that has so many good grocery stores nearby.

Too Much Of A Bad Thing

I made the classic mistake of shopping while hungry. I was at the business center Costco so there wasn't a food court to grab a bite and since it was a Costco any little snacks came in a million pack...or something like that. I decided that I had enough cash to grab a salad at the Wendy's on the way home so off I went. The line was long, but I figured it would move. Boy was I wrong; after waiting FOREVER, I decided to leave and head home. I forgot I was in Lynnwood, WA, the place of the worse traffic and the stupidest drivers in America (my opinion). By the time I was half-way home I had decided that I would stop at the DQ on the way and pick up lunch. My order was not even close to being healthy, but my level of frustration had pushed all of that out of my head. But then again I didn't order too much.

Here comes the Too Much Bad stuff... the driver in front of me ordered her food and then without seeing that the car in front hadn't moved, hit the gas, crunched the car in front and pushed it into the car in front of that car. CRUNCH! SMASH!. The three drivers all got out and looked at the cars, took pictures, agreed to go over to the parking lot to the right of the drive-thru. Unfortunately to get to that parking lot they had to wait through the line at the drive-thru and none of them wanted their food. I got to the window and the girl asks..."do you want some free stuff?" My reply was "what kind of free stuff?" As it turns out since they didn't want their food she had all their ice cream goodies already made and would have to throw it all away...unless I wanted to take it. SURE! FREE STUFF! So my little Blizzard (I told you I was out of control) is now a big Blizzard, there is also a chocolate dipped ice cream cone (one of my favorite things), another ice cream treat plus my sandwhich. THAT'S A LOT OF FOOD!

I ate the cone first, then the dog and I shared the sandwich (but I ate most of it). I was feeling a bit full, but that Blizzard looked so good so I ate that next. And because I was feeding my sugar addition I ATE IT ALL! By this time I was feeling sick. I got home, walked the dog, put the other ice ream treat in the freezer and suffered through a horrible over-eating, over-sugared evening. I had no room for a decent dinner; my husband ate most of the other ice cream treat (I had to have at least a bite!) and I suffered through a horrible over-eating, over-sugared night of not being able to fall asleep.

You would think that I've learned a lesson here, but it seems I've "learned" this lesson before. (think a hangover). We'll have to see how long this "need" to have sugar stays with me. It is always to break an addiction, but I've done it before. So I know I can do it again.

Above Average & Horizontal Stripes

At the Hudson Bay Company store in Vancouver BC, Canada the area for larger women is called "Above Average Woman". I like that. I'm above average in height, intelligence, bust size, swimming skill, and at one time weight. It made me feel better than going to the Plus Size shop or Misses area. Just saying.

I remember going into a local department store and seeing these really nice zipper, wool vests with vertical stripes. The designer also designed for larger women so I was excited to look for them in the Misses area of the store. I found them...BUT the stripes were horizontal. Nothing like making a heavy woman look heavier than a wool, zipper vest with horizontal stripes. I was shocked and disappointed.

Today, I brought out some of my spring and summer tops that have been too small; a lot of them have horizontal stripes...BUT as I tried them all on they looked really nice on me. I'm still busty, but the cut of the top really made me look curvy and I will wear them! I will not have shop for spring and summer clothes this year. A couple of them were too big and I'll donate them to the thrift shop. I didn't try on the shorts, I'm waiting for a warmer day for that thrill. I'm so glad I now look good in horizontal stripes because I have a feeling that horizontal stripes will be around for awhile.

Not Overweight Any More

I've hit a "normal" weight for my height. It's still rather heavy, but it will help me get a better rate on my life insurance and that's a good start.

We went to visit our daughter this last weekend, she is not happy in her job and she just completed her MBA, it was very stressful for her going to school and working full time. She has gained weight since I've last seen her; not as heavy as I was at my heaviest, but I can tell that for her health she really needs to change the way she eats.

The following is an open letter to my daughter about my journey.

My Dear Darling Daughter,

It breaks my heart that you are struggling with your weight the way I did. Please, I beg you make some changes sooner rather than later.

Before I changed the way I eat I was almost 300 pounds. I don't know exactly how heavy I became because I refused to get on a scale, but I do know that the last time I did weigh I was 280; and I also know that I wasn't doing anything that would have helped me lose weight. I was a stroke or heart attack ready to happen.

My cancer can be "blamed" on being overweight; I also was told I was diabetic. My knees and feet were always in pain. I would get cortizone shots in both knees as often as I was allowed; painful shots and the pain they were relieving would go away for awhile and then come back sooner and sooner. It was hard to walk, I was getting winded just going up and down the stairs. I had no energy.

To deal with the stress of my business I would drink a bottle of wine each night. When I was going through the chemo. and I couldn't drink any alcohol, I was eating a lot of chocolate (hits the same pleasure spot). I ate pre-packaged food because it was easy, didn't take long and didn't require me to actually think when I got home from work. Vegetables were flavored with butter. I was counting calories, and eating within the "limits" that I should have been losing, but I wasn't and it wasn't until I read Dr. Fuhrman's Eat to Live book did I understand why. For more information on Dr. Fuhrman go to www.drfuhrman.com.

I have finally weighed-in this last week just under the "Overweight" mark for my height. My knees (except for the one I injured) are 1000% better, so are my feet. I have so much more energy. I am not diabedic; I will not get cancer again. I love doing exercise (especially yoga when I can). My blood levels are back to normal, my chances of stroke, heart attack, etc. are diminished to almost nothing.

I still have weight to lose; who wants to be at the high end of "normal". My goal is to be in the middle of "normal". It is my goal to be there by the end of this year. I love my new energy, outlook, health. Please join your dad and me in being a healthier,  person.

Love, Mom

Losing Slowly

All last year I was consistant in losing an average 2 lbs a week; I got spoiled. It took forever to lose the December weight (see last post) and from then until now I have managed to lose 4 pounds. BUT, on an up note, I am at a long-time low. I am within 2 pounds of not being overweight for my height. I still want to lose 20+ more pounds from that heading to the middle of the desirable weight area instead of the high end.

My knee is still inflamed and will not straighten all the way. I head to PT twice a week and I believe it is getting better, but I still tend to limp and get really tired if I stand for any length of time. My doctor told me last week that maybe I'll have to talk to the nutritionalist. I don't mind talking to the nutritionalist, but I've done some research on the net and I AM eating an anti-inflamitory diet; so I don't think any of this is my diet, but we'll see. We're heading to our daughter's home this weekend; that might derail my anti-inflamitory diet for a period, but even when I'm away I make the best of choices.

As for the weight-loss challenge for the 1st time in over a year, I'm NOT in 1st place. But we're not quite half way through the challenge. Do you think it's the lack of me being active?

Next time I put words to paper, I will be a normal weight and achieved the first of my big goals.

24 days!

It took 24 days to lose the weight I gained in December. Since I weigh in every week it was only 14 days of eating poorly to gain the weight and 24 days of eating healthy to get it off. There is something very not fair about that, but what's a person to do?

The biggest problem seems to be that once you go back to eating sugar and processed foods, your brain starts craving the sugar and the processed foods; it's a horrible cycle.

Dealing with addiction is hard and the commercials on t.v. aren't helping much...ads for fast foods and chain restaurants, the people are beautiful and having such a good time; the food looks fabulous; everyone is having such a good time and even though I know it is all a lie, I want to go crazy and eat frozen pizza or a greasy hamburger or butter-dripping shrimp scampi. It's hard to keep telling myself that eating like that will kill me.

Eventually the cravings will fade and I won't have to fight so hard to eat healthy. In the mean time I'll be fighting the sugar monster.

OW!

Went to the doctor to have my dressing changed; knee was so swollen that I couldn't bend it. I can't straighten it either so it was very hard to walk. I was using a crutch walking around the house. To help with the swelling, pain and the inability to bend the doctor drained a bunch of blood from the knee. OW! It feels better now, but I'm still taking the max. amount of pain pills in the min. time frame. I take the pills and off to sleep I go for awhile, then I'm awake and the pain starts and I wait out the time until it's time to take the pills again. This isn't exactly fun. My knee is also really, really bruised. Hoping things are healed enough for me to go to work on Tuesday.

Post-surgery

Today I had my surgery. I'm supposed to get up and walk around the house...using the bathroom, getting a snack, getting tea, etc. Been up a couple of times and I'm amazed how much less pain I'm expereincing. It could be the pain pills but I'm thinking it is a combination of the pain pills and the fixing of the knee. Hooray! Thank you Dr. Badger and the whole medical staff at OrthoWashington in Kirkland, WA.

I'm looking forward to getting back to my yoga classes and light exercise...it will be awhile for the yoga, but I should be doing the light exercises in a couple of weeks. I will hire a Brian as a personal trainer at the gym to help me get back into the swing of things. He is very good and will make sure I'm doing what I need to do correctly.

Now that I am back on track in my healthy eating I'm back losing weight. The week 1 weigh-in for the challenge at the gym, I lost 3 pounds. I haven't checked the weigh-in chart to see how everyone else is doing but I will when I'm back at the gym. I was very pleased. For this 3 month challenge my goal is to lose 30 pounds (or more), 3 is a good start. I know that this journey is my personal journey, but I'm just competative enough to want to kick butt and win.

My husband is back on track for now, but he is traveling in a couple of weeks and he has a hard time eating healthy while he's on the road. That is really a sad commentary on restaurants offerings. But then again, he's not really big on just eating salads.

I need to get a new dress for my daughter's graduation but I think I'll wait a couple of weeks, closer to the date, to make sure I get a dress that fits my ever smaller self.

Pre-surgery and Other Musings

I will be having surgery in 4 days. Since it is getting harder and harder to walk I'm really glad that it is happening soon. I am tired of being in pain. I'm also glad that I'm not having knee replacement surgery. It is much easier to recover from meniscus repair surgery. I'm actually getting excited about having the ability to stand and walk easily again.

I'm starting to get back into my healthy eating again. The scale will probably not reflect it this week, but in the coming weeks I should see a steady "decline".

Looking forward to this summer I bought a bathing suit today at Costco and bought it a size smaller than my current size. I KNOW I'll be wearing it when swimming suit weather arrives.

I went shopping last weekend for new bras, some tops and a winter coat. Since the weather turned REALLY COLD this week, the winter coat came just in time and of course since it is January it was on sale.

I also resolve to eat more greens and not catch any illnesses that are going around. Good nutrition fights illness!

Check out the latest blog from Dr. Fuhrman. http://www.diseaseproof.com/archives/news-americans-have-poorer-health-and-shorter-lives-than-peers.html Time to wake up America and eat healthy!

The New Year

I managed to lose weight every month (an average of 7.5 pounds a month) in 2012 except December. Too many tempations full of sugar and fat. I gained 8 pounds! And because of the amount of sugary foods I ate and drank, I'm finding it hard to get back into eating healthy.

The gym I belong to is having another weight-loss challenge for 2013. I won both challenges they had in 2012, about $700, and plan on winning all challenges for 2013 until I reach my healthiest goal weight, in about 45 pounds.

I am having surgery on my left knee in a week. I look forward to being able to walking without a limp, sleeping through the night, having no pain. Funny to be looking forward to surgery...

I've read a couple of articles about how bad sugar is to your body. I gained 8 pounds in 1 month...Sugar is bad for your body! One is in the October 2012 Reader's Digest (I'm a little behind on my reading). It is by Joanne Chen and first published in Marie Claire. The other I found on-line and will link it to this post. I really think it is important for people to understand why sugar isn't that sweet little substance that is added to most, if not all, processed foods. http://www.diseaseproof.com/archives/inspiration-slaying-the-sugary-beast.html

I do find that if I eat fruit, 3-5 servings, I don't miss sugar that much. However, my big addiction right now is wine . I have a stressful day and I want a glass or 4 of wine. And I know that if I open a bottle of wine, I will not stop drinking it until the bottle is empty. I'm still reading Reinventng the Meal by Pavel G. Somov, PhD and working very hard at eating fully conscience. It's an on-going process and some days I do better than others. Breathe.

Yoga helped with the stress, and I look forward to going back to that when my knee is fixed too.

My New Year resolutions...
1. Hit my goal weight.
2. Have fun.
3. Eliminate my junk.
4. Smile a lot.
5. Organize my stuff.
6. Laugh.